Arrival

Ok. I am here. I arrived last night after some delays, circling mid-air waiting to land. I arrived with three largely overfilled and overweight bags to the Brooklyn home of Casey, who has been kind enough to let me stay here until I can secure a place. It doesn't feel like I have moved here yet. Maybe I am here for a visit, or for some quick trip, but for some reason this does not seem permanent at all. In time that will change. I am going to look at several apartments tonight and I think that will help me to start feeling more like this thing is for real. I am anxious to get a place and get settled. School also starts on Monday, which will be good. I do much better when I have somewhat of a schedule set up for myself. Let's just hope I am ready. Only time will tell. All in all---it is so good to be here and I am really looking forward to all that the future holds. New York City.

PACK

This has been my last little while...boxing everything up for the move. This task has been tedious and at times frustrating, but it has also been somewhat of a positive experience. It has been an opportunity for me to go through some of the things I have. To see items I may have forgotten about. To drudge up the memories associated with various things. To think on it for a little while. In some cases, to then throw that item away. In other cases, to place it in a box and keep it safe for a future time.
When I move, it will be with whatever can go on the plane with me. Suitcases. I will ship my computer, and evetually some winter clothes when the colder weather comes. It is pretty much starting clean slate though. New. Fresh. Light. Some things I will miss, there is no mistaking that. For the most part I am quite content to put things away for the time being.
This whole process makes me realize that this change is reality. It is really going to happen. This is cause for some hestitation on my part, but the majority of me is content and motivated for the change.
I plan on, or want to, leave everything behind. However, some things are best put away for now.

Fireworks

I love FIREWORKS. I don't know exactly what it is about them...the flash of lights, the various colors, the loud booming noise, the sparkle...I guess it is all of it together. When you mix them with music, it creates a mood and draws emotion. There is something magic about FIREWORKS.

HOT

My apartment is so HOT I think I might spontaneously burst into flames.

Diversity

utah aRts festival. I continue to be pleasantly surprised by the diversity that Salt Lake City really does have. I see it in a small way every day, however it is much easier to spot on a weekend such as this. I could have sat somewhere and been quite content just watching the people in attendance and their interactions with one another. This is not to shed any sort of a negative light on anyone. I revel in the fact that there are so many different people. What a bore life would be if we were all the same. It seems that all too often I make the assumption that the majority of people here come from the same 'cookie cutter', or at least try to portray that. In this case, I like to be proven wrong. There were people there from every walk of life. It was great. To think that it takes each one of us to make up a true community was a positive thought.
I commend the individual. I admire those who have the courage to simply be themselves. I strive to respect each person, even when it is not offered in return. I pledge to think more closely before I judge another and to somehow try and understand their life, even if just in some small way. I welcome DIVERSITY and the lessons we have to learn from one another.

In What Tense?

In what tense do we think of ourselves? Do you see yourself as the person you used to be, that of whom you were in the past? Do you see yourself in your current state of being? Or, do you have the foresight to see the person you have the ability to yet become?
I feel that it is important for us to see ourselves in each of these tenses. We have to know the person who we once were. We have to know from where we have come, the path which has been traveled to lead us to where we are. We need to know the struggles, the hardships, the accomplishments, and the joys which all subcreate us as a single individual.
This being said, it is important for us to have the ability to not dwell on the person of the past, but to see the person that we have yet to become. We need to have a vision of where we are headed, the things we want to do, the places we want to see, the people we want to touch. Future goals and aspirations are crucial for progression.
With a sight of the past and a vision for the future, it is just as important for us to realistically see the here and now. Knowing our present state of being ties the past to the present in an amazing way. We have to know where we now stand in order to best decide the steps to take forward. What is astounding is that the steps we have taken in the past determine where we are now, which also offsets the steps we will take for the future.
So...The person of the past, the being of the present, and the individual which we have yet to become are all one. It is easy to think of 'the person i once was', or 'who I want to become'. Those are actually just altered and temporary versions of yourself. Although they seem seperate at times, they combine to make one distinct and actual YOU. Keep in mind the person you were, be mindful and realistic with the person you now are, and have the vision and determination to see the person you have yet to become. YOU are YOU and that is something amazing.

Inevitable Spoil

"A fruit ripens, and at that very moment it begins to rot."
Someone said this and I have not been able to quit thinking about it. It is true. There is that peak moment when the fruit is completely ripe, but that is only a moment. It spends time ripening to that one moment, and then from there it gradually decends to spoil. This statement has led me to a wandering path of thoughts. What does this mean? In what context am I to take this? How does this apply to me, to you, to anyone, or to a variety of situations and experiences? After all this I think I have come to a certain understanding of it, and yet I am still unsure.
I do know this. At the very moment when we find ourselves "ripe", or we think that we have become such, it is inevitable that we will begin to "rot" and spoil. If a person can honestly think that they have achieved their peak, their very best, an area of personal perfection...they are sure to decline, to spoil, to rot. There is always something we can do better, some way to improve. We will never be perfected alone. It just isn't possible. I really believe that.
There are a host of other ways to personalize this beginning statement. Like I said, I do not think that it fits into every situation or category. It led me to an area of pondering and I thought it might do the same for you.
What does it mean?

LIGHT

"To understand the light of day, flee first the shadows."

the MAGICAL kingdom

I spent part of tonight listening to and singing along with Disney songs. My friend was very keen on the idea of convincing me that Disney movies all carry an alternative and very insightful message. It was also brought to my attention that Disney songs also carry messages which should be learned. At the end of the whole thing...I think I believe it. I suppose this can be said about anything---you can tailor anything and find a personal message in it. You can take it and apply it to any situation and make it somehow useful. I found this to be especially true with those Disney songs and movies. The purity and simplicity of their content is really much more complex than any child realizes. They really do hold real valuable messages. I guess I was somewhat converted tonight. I am not a 'born again disney freak', just more of a believer. More of a believer that there are lessons to be learned all around us. There are experiences every second of every day that can hold a message for us to make real and useful in our lives. This is not saying that we should overanalyze and miss the real living part of things. I am merely saying that we really do have a lot of resources out there which can be internalized and help to positively influence us. Who knew it would start with Disney? MAGIC

surprise

I welcome the warm weather! Just last week I wore a pair of shorts that I had not worn since last summer. At some point I put my hand in my pocket, only to find a great surprise...a $20 bill. It automatically made me feel lucky. It wasn't the fact that it was $20, but rather that I had something I had not counted on. Kind of like when you find a penny on the street (especially if it is heads up). A surprising sign of good luck. It's a good omen for the day. Never underestimate the power of an unexpected surprise.

PaiNt

I recently started painting again. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it and how incredibly therapeutic it is. It allows some sort of seperation from everything else. There is power there. My living room is a mess, I end up with paint all over my hands and arms, I have ruined a couple of shirts...and I don't even care. It is great. Liberating. Freeing. Enpowering. To look at something I have painted you might not think that it means much more than paint on a canvas, however everything I create holds meaning. It encompasses some emotion...fear, pity, dislike, frustration, joy, enlightenment, achievement, peace. There is always a story there. It is not always a story to be told, but often one to be discovered by the viewer.

*NYC*

New York City--here I come...again! The city thought it had ridded itself of me...think again. After months of applications, essays, and interviews the verdict is in---NYC is in my future. Am I ready? You bet!
I must admit that my last stint in the city brought with it a lot of suprises and unexpected challenges. I can honestly say that I was forever shaped by my time there. A new and much stronger person emerged from within. Things are definately going to be different this time, however I look forward to making new memories and making this city my home once again.

RAIN

I love the RAIN. There is something about the occasional RAINy day that cannot be duplicated. It seems to reach into your soul and bring out feelings and thoughts that could only be released and contemplated on a RAINy day. It somehow has the power to cleanse...to refresh...to renew. Have you ever really stood out in the RAIN and just let it come down on you? It is truly amazing. We seem to run from place to place to avoid it. We cover ourselves with an umbrella, or the morning newspaper to stay dry. When you submit to it...let it takes its course...embrace its power...it is only then that you feel its freeing power. Try it. RAIN. How will it affect you???

Delay*Lost Baggage*Delay

Is it really possible to travel and have your every flight delayed...and then to have the airline lose your baggage? Talk about a nightmare. "I assure you that your baggage will follow you. It has been flagged for your current flight." These are the words of comfort offered to me, only to arrive at my destination with NO luggage.
What would really be nice is to always have flights without connections. Direct flights! What would be even better??? FIRST CLASS! Ahhh. To dream.

blog blog blog

Blog. Blog. Blog. It seems that it is all about the blog these days...so I will BLOG. It is not as though I don't have a thousand and one random thoughts running through my head at any given moment. Putting them into words would probably be a useful and productive adventure. Will they be of interest to anyone else? Will the thoughts I have be worth a read? Will anyone anywhere ever benefit from reading them? I guess these questions can only be answered by those who read on. Enjoy. I hope some small shred of entertainment can be found in wandering the hallways of my mind. Let the journey begin.